were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
