Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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