This is not my ceiling
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
