I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
