you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
