My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
