so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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