If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
