Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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