my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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