I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
