i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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