I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
