I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
