Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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