so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
