Say something about gay babies.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
