Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
