I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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