SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
