I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
