My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
