guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
