let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
