one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
