I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
