if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this boner is exhausting
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
