I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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