Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
