The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
