i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
