Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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