I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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