her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
as a side note pls kill me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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