I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
