I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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