I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
