Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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