dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
