i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
