Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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