If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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