I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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