i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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