im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
