I am spending my child support on dildos
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
