It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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