I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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