I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
