so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
