What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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