i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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