I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
