we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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