remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
not ubering you a puppy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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