Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
