I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
